weirdmageddon:

et tu, thot?

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was outside with my cat and he was talking to me and I thought my sister was the one making his “voice” so I said, “Okay, that was fun and all but you can stop giving him a voice-over now.” My cat turned to me and went, “Who said she was talking?” And then laughed maniacally at me.

one-time-i-dreamt:

:) was running towards me at full speed while I was tied up with ropes made of cheese and crying spaghetti sauce tears.

gotta-spike-it:

That i couldn’t remember the titile of the song “Hips don’t lie” by Shakira

so i kept calling it “Honest Ball and Socket Joint”

(via dream-central-station)

translatorsanonymous:

One time I dreamt I was a judge on a show called ‘So You Think You Can Translate’.

And I was shouting at the contestants like I was Gordon Ramsay or something.

‘I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and VOMIT a better translation than this!!1!’

(via dream-central-station)

dream-central-station:

I cheated on Shrek with a transformer

woke up to this note on my phone:

remaking the movie Shrek. Donald trump shows face mask and I get angry. Shrek is coming home for me but I’m in the bathtub accidentally cheating on him with a transformer.

(credit to me, at my main blog @a-dingo-ate-my-dildo)

a-dingo-ate-my-dildo:

I had a dream that the earth and moon were good friends and they talked to each other. it was the 1960s and nobody had been to the moon yet, but earth knew what was up and decided to warn the moon. so a few years later the US is about to land on the moon for the first time. the ship successfully lands but something seems off. the astronauts get off anyways and Armstrong is hopping down and saying his line, but the second he touches the moons surface he gets fucking repelled at the speed of light and launched into space, while a thundering voice echoes throughout the cosmos “BEGONE THOT”.

(via dream-central-station)

writerstragedy:

My friend told me they were Memeosexual and We were in the hallway talking with friends and I went “Yeah and She wanted those fishsticks” and everyone gasped and my friend started crying and went “Those are not my pronouns” and I felt really bad and was like “Holy shit Im so sorry what do you want me to call you” and she and everyone just stares at me and said in unison “Penpineappleapplepen” and they just started nodding and saying “PenPineappleapplepen” and I woke up screaming

(via dream-central-station)